She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
