you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
