Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
