im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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