idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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