Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
