I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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