he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
