Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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