glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
