umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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