Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
