I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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