Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I touched a dick in church today
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
