3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
