I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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