you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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