It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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