Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
