i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
