U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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