my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I don't deserve a penis
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
