so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
