Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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