I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
