he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
