Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
