Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
