I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
