Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
it was like eating out sand paper
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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