Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
