Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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