Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
