i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
