I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
