The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
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