Tell her she can't have a vagina
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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