I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
