Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
