All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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