The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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