Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
