Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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