Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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