so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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