I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
