Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
