how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
