The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Randomize
