please come you make the beer taste better
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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