you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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