That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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