I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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