So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
