i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
